How do you approach someone who appears to be on their phone? Approach2link Answers

"I went to an event on Saturday and saw a young lady sitting by herself texting.  I wanted to approach her but she seemed unapproachable. How do you approach someone who appears to be using their phone?" - from one of my male friends

Answer: 

If you see someone talking on their phone, this is a clear and obvious sign to not approach that person.  However, with someone who is texting, the sign is not so clear. 

How many of you can admit to pulling out your phone when you are sitting by yourself because you are bored and want something to do or you want to look like you are doing something so you don't look odd.  At the same time, how many of you can admit that you pulled out your phone as an act to avoid having to talk to someone you don't want to talk to.  This is where the confusing part comes in.  When you see someone texting (or browsing on their phone) you are not sure if they are killing time or if they are doing that to avoid having someone approach them. 

How can you tell the difference?

If they pull out the phone the same time you are walking towards them, then that is a clear sign that they are trying to avoid you approaching them. 

If they appear to be alone and even looking a bit lonely, then it's possible that they are using their phone as a clutch to not look so odd sitting by themselves or using it to kill time as they wait. 

Advice

Wait and observe before you take the risk of approaching.  I say risk because you can never be too sure as to why they have their phone out.  So wait... 

• Observe whether they have the phone out before they sense you coming towards them.  
• Observe whether they appear to be waiting.  
• Observe whether they appear to be by themselves. 

If you are confident that they are using their phone to kill time then you can attempt an approach.

How to approach someone who is texting?

Ask a question...

Risky...

"Are you texting your boyfriend?" - this may not be the best question to ask because if you are not trying to become her boyfriend, you asking her that question implies that.  However, it is a nice way to find out if she is waiting for her boyfriend and whether or not she has one.  Plus you have her attention and you can now attempt to do some small talk and gauge her responsiveness.  If she is responsive then you know she has welcomed your approach.  If her responses are short and abrupt kindly excuse yourself by saying "I'll let you continue what you were doing" and back away.

Safe...
"Is anyone sitting here?" - this is a safe question that allows her to look up from her cell phone it also lets you know whether or not she is waiting for someone to join her.  Once she accepts your invitation to sit with her.  Take a pause, see if she continues to have her phone out.  If so, ask her a question about her phone - "Is that a Iphone 4s? How do you like it?" These questions are examples of using the environment to start a conversation.  The follow up question is also open ended so that her answer is more than a simple yes or no. Again gauge her responsiveness. If she doesn't lift up her head to answer your question, then her phone is more interesting then a conversation with you.  If that is the case, kindly excuse yourself and go to the refreshment table. 

Tip for the lady with the phone

If you want to be approached leave your phone in your purse.  This way there is no confusion to the man that would like to approach you. 

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